Introducing My Father to My Father

April is the cruelest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

- "The Waste Land" by T.S. Eliot

April is a month of rebirth or regeneration, when land frozen from winter begins to thaw. It is also the month during which Jesus' resurrection is celebrated. Why, then, does the poet claim that it is the cruelest month of the year?

I think it's just a matter of perspective.  We know that change is often associated with pain. But sometimes, the person who suffers most is not the person undergoing the transformation, rather it is the person who is witnessing the change.  Oftentimes, this bystander does not share the same faith as the one who is transforming, and thus does not understand the purpose of change.

I've always had a special relationship with my dad. He's a professor and quite a scholar, and ever since I can remember, I've been constantly picking his brain with all sorts of questions.

Once when I was a kid, I asked him if there was a God. He told me that he didn't know. I couldn't believe I stumped him! But he turned my question around and asked, "Did God create man, or did man create God?"

My dad and I were talking tonight about religious fanaticism and the ways militants use religion to gain power, when he asked me this same question. I was stunned. But he knows that I've become a Christian and thus didn't wait for me to respond. Instead, he began to express his distaste for religion. He even quoted John Lennon:

"Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace."

"So, what do you think? Do you think people would live in peace if there were no politics and no religion?" he asked.  I said, 'yes,' if there's such a thing as harmonious anarchy!  I told him that in the Bible, Jesus was frequently ticked off by the religious folk. I told him that it's not about religion, but about having a relationship with Jesus.

My dad then narrowed his focus to Christianity, and said that when he went to church as a boy, the thing that always bothered him about Christianity was its exclusiveness. By this, he meant the Christian belief that there is only one God, and that Jesus is the only one who can save us. "Is Jesus really the only way to heaven? What about the devout Buddhist who only does good? He won't go to heaven, but the hypocritical Christian will?"

I immediately panicked because I simply accept that there is only one God, He is full of grace, and Jesus is the only one who saves. I don't even understand the details of my faith. Besides, if I could understood it, would it really be faith?

Anyway, I mumbled something lame to convey that perhaps Christians believe that if they approved of other gods, then they would risk diminishing the awesomeness of the Lord.  The bottom line was simply, "I don't know."

He frowned at my answer and went on to express his fear that I would alienate myself from my childhood friends, none of whom are Christian. I told him not to worry, that I'm sensitive enough to know I would scare my friends away if I were to be dogmatic about my faith.

My dad then pointed out that "The more you try to share your faith, the more you risk driving away your friends."

Much to his surprise, tears started to stream down my face. "Why are you crying?" he asked gently. I didn't even know why I was crying! I explained that I desperately want to see him and my friends get saved, but it's hard because there's only so much I can say or do to make someone believe, and that if I say or do too much, then I risk driving them away.

His frown grew more profound, and he asked, "Do you feel guilty about not being able to save them?"

I started to get a little angry. I had to hold myself back from saying, "Who said they won't be saved?" But instead I told him that no, I don't feel guilty, because I know God loves me unconditionally, I just desperately want them to be saved.

He then reminded me to respect their disregard of the spiritual and their choice to live for the tangible things of this world. He told me that he worries about me because he can see the tremendous impact that trying to follow Jesus is having on my life.

But I told him that he doesn't have to worry about my relationships with people, because if Jesus has taught me anything, it is how to love others better.  Finally, he agreed that this change is good.  Hopefully he will come to see that this change is more than good, it's GOD!  :)