“If Only” and “What If” Ramblings

I am processing some of the things I’ve been going through; the current sermon series on the Book of James; the comments and conversations with others; and from my own time in the Word. I guess you can say that this entry is the third installment, which started with “Obedience over Happiness” and following, “A Life worth Living.” Let’s see where this one takes us…

It got me really pondering my life when Jordan said, “you can let your trust in God change the way you see your circumstances, or you can let your circumstances change the way you trust God.” Yeah, how often do I listen to my own whining or the voices of the world and the enemy that displaces my trust in Papa? Wow, guilty as charged…

See, when I get caught up in the enemy’s ploy to get stuck in the “if only” and the “what if” cycle of worry, fantasy, and replay of my past or “wishful” future, I am not trusting God nor am I relying on true rooted, seated faith. I’m really second-guessing God. When I am second-guessing God I do not trust Him, nor do I really believe that God loves me, has only the best intentions AND plans for me… I just fell for the enemy’s scheme of half-believing God…doubting His Word and His love for me.

The enemy of God comes like a thief, like a lion, and steals, kills, and destroys… sometimes through the doubt-filled seeds of “if only” and “what if.”

I’m sure we could all fill in the blanks to “if only” and “what if”….

If only I had…; if only I could…; if only he had…; if only she would….

Then there is what if he could…; what if she had…; what if I would…

One thing to consider is how much of our frets, worries, and struggles are really small? I don’t doubt some of us have and will deal with MAJOR stuff, yet so often I get caught up in really small things or make them to be bigger than my God…displacing Him and my trust in Him, to this “monster-sized” issue. Really, most of us, especially Americans, are downright spoiled, materialistic, and have no clue what life beyond the shopping center and behind the TV is really like.

What would it be like to take one thing I am sucking on, pouting about, broken over; and take that to, let’s say, to a Darfur refugee camp or to a Veterans Administration paraplegic’s ward and tell them of my “pain”? How long would I be able to sit there as they share their woes with me, before I get uncomfortable with how small my stuff is?

I also believe that these two phrases take us out of the present. See, I really believe that God enjoys the present time with us more than He enjoys our habitual tendency to dwell on the past—our mistakes, our old pain, our regrets, our lost opportunities, and our lost relationships. Or this takes us out of a healthy reliance on God for today and places us on fantasizing on an alternative future, one that is shaped by our flesh and our listening to the world and the enemy.

I think that there is enough faith to cover our past, present, and our future. It is just that I wonder if we were to pour more of our efforts and attention to our PRESENT relationship with God…placing our faith squarely on Him, how would that look and how would that affect our lives? What if I really considered the ravines…and allowed a greater measure of faith for God to provide, to direct, to guide my life—today, I wonder how my life would change and how much burden (burden I keep putting on myself) would I surrender to God and allow Him to work in and through my life.

I’ve been praying that God will give me a “vista” from which to view life from. I desire to see things as He does, and to gain a better perspective on those things I think were/are huge only to see they are less important and “smaller” when looked from God’s vista.

I want to trust Papa as never before and to have the mindset of considering all things as pure joy… deep-seated, deep-rooted joy that is in God and from God. My Papa just happens to be the Creator of all Heaven and Earth! I’ll hold on lightly to my dreams and desires, keeping them in a loose and comfortable hand hold, and spend more energy, and effort in doing the will of my Father in Heaven, and of being joyfully obedient… and obedience is usually in conflict with my flesh and with the voice of the enemy. Seriously, obedience is hard. And good things are sometimes hard… I am okay with that.

I would even say I am more joyful. It’s a good place to be too! Those things I need to address in my life, I will do so with prayerful guidance by the Holy Spirit and those things that I do not have control over…I’ll give those totally over to Him and He’s got my back!

Well, you’ve just endured my “what if” and “if only” ramblings long enough. So, when I look at a situation or a “lost” opportunity in my life I will try to simply trust Papa God.