“If Only” and “What If” Ramblings

I am processing some of the things I’ve been going through; the current sermon series on the Book of James; the comments and conversations with others; and from my own time in the Word. I guess you can say that this entry is the third installment, which started with “Obedience over Happiness” and following, “A Life worth Living.” Let’s see where this one takes us…

It got me really pondering my life when Jordan said, “you can let your trust in God change the way you see your circumstances, or you can let your circumstances change the way you trust God.” Yeah, how often do I listen to my own whining or the voices of the world and the enemy that displaces my trust in Papa? Wow, guilty as charged…

See, when I get caught up in the enemy’s ploy to get stuck in the “if only” and the “what if” cycle of worry, fantasy, and replay of my past or “wishful” future, I am not trusting God nor am I relying on true rooted, seated faith. I’m really second-guessing God. When I am second-guessing God I do not trust Him, nor do I really believe that God loves me, has only the best intentions AND plans for me… I just fell for the enemy’s scheme of half-believing God…doubting His Word and His love for me.

The enemy of God comes like a thief, like a lion, and steals, kills, and destroys… sometimes through the doubt-filled seeds of “if only” and “what if.”

I’m sure we could all fill in the blanks to “if only” and “what if”….

If only I had…; if only I could…; if only he had…; if only she would….

Then there is what if he could…; what if she had…; what if I would…

One thing to consider is how much of our frets, worries, and struggles are really small? I don’t doubt some of us have and will deal with MAJOR stuff, yet so often I get caught up in really small things or make them to be bigger than my God…displacing Him and my trust in Him, to this “monster-sized” issue. Really, most of us, especially Americans, are downright spoiled, materialistic, and have no clue what life beyond the shopping center and behind the TV is really like.

What would it be like to take one thing I am sucking on, pouting about, broken over; and take that to, let’s say, to a Darfur refugee camp or to a Veterans Administration paraplegic’s ward and tell them of my “pain”? How long would I be able to sit there as they share their woes with me, before I get uncomfortable with how small my stuff is?

I also believe that these two phrases take us out of the present. See, I really believe that God enjoys the present time with us more than He enjoys our habitual tendency to dwell on the past—our mistakes, our old pain, our regrets, our lost opportunities, and our lost relationships. Or this takes us out of a healthy reliance on God for today and places us on fantasizing on an alternative future, one that is shaped by our flesh and our listening to the world and the enemy.

I think that there is enough faith to cover our past, present, and our future. It is just that I wonder if we were to pour more of our efforts and attention to our PRESENT relationship with God…placing our faith squarely on Him, how would that look and how would that affect our lives? What if I really considered the ravines…and allowed a greater measure of faith for God to provide, to direct, to guide my life—today, I wonder how my life would change and how much burden (burden I keep putting on myself) would I surrender to God and allow Him to work in and through my life.

I’ve been praying that God will give me a “vista” from which to view life from. I desire to see things as He does, and to gain a better perspective on those things I think were/are huge only to see they are less important and “smaller” when looked from God’s vista.

I want to trust Papa as never before and to have the mindset of considering all things as pure joy… deep-seated, deep-rooted joy that is in God and from God. My Papa just happens to be the Creator of all Heaven and Earth! I’ll hold on lightly to my dreams and desires, keeping them in a loose and comfortable hand hold, and spend more energy, and effort in doing the will of my Father in Heaven, and of being joyfully obedient… and obedience is usually in conflict with my flesh and with the voice of the enemy. Seriously, obedience is hard. And good things are sometimes hard… I am okay with that.

I would even say I am more joyful. It’s a good place to be too! Those things I need to address in my life, I will do so with prayerful guidance by the Holy Spirit and those things that I do not have control over…I’ll give those totally over to Him and He’s got my back!

Well, you’ve just endured my “what if” and “if only” ramblings long enough. So, when I look at a situation or a “lost” opportunity in my life I will try to simply trust Papa God.

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VIP Tour of the USS George Washington

September 09, 2008

VIP Tour of the USS George Washington (CVN-73), Nuclear Aircraft Carrier
100 miles off Hawaii

Honorary "Tailhooker"
Completed an arrested landing aboard
USS George Washington (CVN73)
in the Grumman C-@a Greyhound
at 22.34 N Latitude, 158.30 W Longitude

What an incredible experience!

GOD BLESS OUR US NAVY!!!!!

Because Of Whom I Am Through Christ Jesus…

These statements also came from a book by Neil Anderson.

I hope you find these useful:

Because Of Whom I Am Through Christ Jesus…

Since I am in Christ, by the grace of God…I have been justified—completely forgiven and made righteous (Romans 5:1)

I died with Christ and died to the power of sin’s rule over my life
(Romans 6:1-6)

I am free forever from condemnation
(Romans 8:1)

I have been placed into Christ by God’s doing
(1 Corinthians 1:30)

I have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God
(1 Corinthians 2:12)

I have been given the mind of Christ
(1 Corinthians 2:16)

I have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God
(1 Corinthians 6:19, 20)

I have been established, anointed and sealed by God in Christ, and I have been given the Holy Spirit as a pledge guaranteeing my inheritance to come
(2 Corinthians 1:21; Ephesians 1:13, 14)

Since I have died, I no longer live for myself, but for Christ
(2 Corinthians 5:14, 15)

I have been made righteous
(2 Corinthians 5:21)

I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ; Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ’s life
(Galatians 2:20)

I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing
(Ephesians 1:3)

I was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and am without blame before Him
(Ephesians 1:4)

I was predestined—determined by God—to be adopted as God’s son/daughter
(Ephesians 1:5)

I have been made alive together with Christ
(Ephesians 2:5)

I have direct access to God through the Spirit
(Ephesians 2:18)

I may approach God with boldness, freedom, and with confidence
(Ephesians 3:12)

I have been rescued from the domain of satan’s rule and transferred to the Kingdom of Christ
Colossians 1:13)

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been canceled
(Colossians 1:14)

Christ Himself is in me
Colossians 1:27)

I am firmly rooted in Christ and am now being built in Him
(Colossians 2:7)

I have been spiritually circumcised. My old unregenerate nature has been removed
(Colossians 2:11)

I have been buried, raised, and made alive with Christ
(Colossians 2:12, 13)

I died with Christ and I have been raised up with Christ. My life is now hidden with Christ in God. Christ is now my life
(Colossians 3:1-4)

I have been given the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline
(2 Timothy 1:7)

I have been saved and set apart according to God’s doing
(2Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:5)

Because I am sanctified and am one with the Sanctifier, He is not ashamed to call me brother
(Hebrews 2:11)

I have the right to come boldly before the Throne of God, by which I am a partaker of God’s divine nature
(2 Peter 1:4)

Who Am I?

Here are some great reminders...these came from the author, Neil Anderson.

Who Am I?

I am the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13)
I am the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)
I am a child of God (John 1:12)
I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ’s life (John 15:1, 5)
I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15)
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16)
I am a slave to righteousness (Romans 6:18)
I am enslaved to God (Romans 6:22)
I am a son/daughter of God; God is spiritually my Father (Romans 8:14, 15; Galatians 3:26; 4:6)
I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing in His inheritance with Him (Romans 8:17)
I am a temple—a dwelling place—of God. His Spirit and His Life dwell in me (1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19)
I am united to the LORD and am one spirit with Him (1 Corinthians 6:17)
I am a member of Christ’s Body (1 Corinthians 12:27; Ephesians 5:30)
I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18, 19)
I am a son/daughter of God and one in Christ (Galatians 3:26, 28)
I am an heir of God since I am a son/daughter of God (Galatians 4:6, 7)
I am a saint (Ephesians 1:1; 1 Corinthians 1:2; Philippians 1:1; Colossians 1:2)
I am God’s workmanship—His handiwork—born anew in Christ to do His work (Ephesians 2:10)
I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God’s family (Ephesians 2:19)
I am a prisoner of Christ (Ephesians 3:1; 4:1)
I am righteous and holy (Ephesians 4:24)
I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now (Philippians 3:20; Ephesians 2:10)
I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3)
I am an expression of the life of Christ because He is my life (Colossians 3:4)
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 1:4)
I am a son/daughter of light and not of darkness (1 Thessalonians 5:5)
I am a holy partaker of a heavenly calling (Hebrews 3:1)
I am a partaker of Christ; I share in His Life (Hebrews 3:14)
I am one of God’s living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Peter 2:5)
I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession (1 Peter 2:9, 10)
I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (1 Peter 2:11)
I am an enemy of the devil (1 Peter 5:8)
I am born of God, and the evil one—the devil—cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)
I am not the great “I AM” (Exodus 3:14; John 8:24, 28, 58), but by the Grace of God, I am what I am (1 Corinthians 15:10)

A Life Worth Living

Life sure can be tough.

Life sure can be sad.

Life sure can be easy.

Life sure can be joyous.

Life sure can be.................. (You can fill it in)

Are this things exclusive or not?

Life is so amazing, so diverse, and so much like a wildflower patch, not a manicured garden with planned arrangements of flowers and plants in rows and such... God's arrangements are so different than what most of us would expect. If you haven't read the book yet, I suggest reading, The Shack.

My last blog entry, "Obedience Over Happiness" was written late the other night and it has opened some great dialogue within myself and between some very special friends of mine. This blog entry is a bit more deeper and a richer expounding on my life and views on the life God has called me to and it is a life VERY MUCH WORTH LIVING!

I realize I have a life that not too many people I know are called to. Like a pastor, a martyr, who has been called to have a heart of Christ's concerns. I recognize I will not always be happy (though there IS happiness in my life), and that this calling is not easy, not at all, I will be lonely in certain ways. It is, what it is... I will stand alone as a watchman in a tower does as he is lovingly concerned and protective for the people around him, and I will walk many miles alone through life simply because that is where He wants me to be... I love this position of intercession and intimacy and yet I don't get to share it often in the company of others.

More often than not, I look forward to what life will offer me each morning; the challenges, the lessons, the opportunities; and the risks. As I get out of bed, if I was overheard, you'd hear me say, "it's a great day to be alive!" If you knew my life story, you'd really understand how true that is for me and how that is not just an affirmation to set my attitude right for the day.... I really mean it.

I am most often joyful, even in the midst of tough times, and it is not just coating myself with Teflon or maintaining a suck it up" attitude, though there are definitely those moments too. Life is so wonderfully complex, and the bends and turns in life are across the spectrum of feelings, emotions and conditions. So, I absolutely agree that life is a life worth living and that we all should live that out in how we express ourselves to our inner self and how we share this life in Christ with others.

Moreover, I am meditating on putting those things to heart so that I hold a balanced understanding on the specific call on my life, representing God to others accurately and my life being one that encourages others to follow Him too. Especially since Jesus presents life with such great promise, hope, and love. The Holy Spirit brings fruit into our lives...what fruit; sorrow, sacrifice, pain, and sadness? No, it is the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and so much more! Life may contain some of those negative elements, yet it is the fruit of the Spirit that tastes so good...and it comes much through faith and obedience in the face of the tough stuff.

My life has been hard, even since birth and throughout my early life, I experienced different elements of pain and abuse, and it seems everything took more work and was just harder than others (and easier than others too, I am sure). Things still are way for me; I really have to work at things and nothing rarely comes easy for me....oddly, this is not a complaint, as much as, it is an understanding God uses these things to teach me and to even use these things to reach others. I don't point to my suffering and pain to lead others to Jesus, not at all, I speak of His relentless pursuit of us, His deep, rich love for us, and His sacrifice so that we may truly find life and life abundantly. It will be in the midst of suffering and pain God shows up and breaks through to our heart and reveals His love, His mercy, His grace, and His hand to lift us out of it all and into His marvelous life and light.

Yes, without a doubt, life is hard... ask someone living under Christian persecution; dealing with death; walking in utter poverty; trapped in abuse; or imprisoned by addictions and problems... God will show up in the midst of all that, and as Christians we are called to be obedient to Him; serving Him, worshipping Him; and responding to His call on our life over our happiness, even over our "life" itself.

Now, understand, I love life, and I love laughter, joy, happiness, and seeing the smiles on people's faces, and on my own face too. It's just that there has been and there is a weighty undercurrent in my life too... Life is full of poop at times and God uses those things to fertilize my heart's garden and as I walk closer to Him and as I am called into more spiritual warfare, I am finding the call of intercession can be hard and tough, I feel things and see the spiritual warfare side strongly.

Now, this intercessory side of me is new, within the last 2 years, so I am still trying to get a handle on it and understand what God is asking of me and who I am in Christ.

A friend commented, "Why can't we sacrifice everything for Him, work hard, be obedient...yet, it come through enjoyment, JOY (strength) and pleasure?" I love that, it echo's in my spirit and shouts, "YES!" Oh how so great a question and I do agree this is Papa God's desire, and sure, it is my life too... perhaps another way I could describe my life is that of a high altitude climber... it's tough; really tough, there is great sacrifice, danger, risks, and trials. I walk through deep valleys, over chasms, along dangerous cliffs and precipices, and along long thin pathways up a steep, slippery mountain. The mountain is high, the air is cold and thin, and the exposure to the elements are very real and "in your face" kind of reality. There is also a REALLY great view of the world from up there and a deep sense of purpose, enjoyment, accomplishment, and peace. Some of this is discovered while still on the mountain, some things are discovered after the climb is completed and one is reflecting on all God provided and revealed, both of the inner person, and of the life lived on the trek. As I may be a high altitude climber, where few others go, yet through the story that is my life, and the testimony of my lips, I actually encourage others to climb their own hills and perhaps ignite the love of God and the desire to seek higher mountains to climb for a few others.

I would never want to live as Francis of Asissi (though I have visited him on occasion) or any other stoic , and I don't want to raise/encourage any one else to do so either. I also know, again through my own life history, my own hearing from God, and through prophetic words from others that my life is a tough one... and while I am not alone in these sufferings, few are called to what I am called to. I have joy and joy abundantly and I sometimes get asked about my past and current "life"; if I could, would I want to change it? I laugh and say, "no, it has and does serve God well and all the pain and suffering is well worth it all, to be close to God and to be called into His work."

I think there are so many different styles of living, so varied are the seasons, and so many different characters in the Word and in church history because as you, I and everyone else moves through life, there are rich nuggets of truth found in the depths of Jeremiah's toil and suffering; understanding and wisdom in Joseph's life; blessings and reflections found in the life of David; and pure truth and love in Jesus. What a beautiful picture is painted and is being painted through our part in there too.

When I was writing the last blog entry I titled it "Obedience over Happiness." That was purposeful in that I knew it was NOT to be, "Obedience versus Happiness." These two words are not polar opposites or not compatible with each other. I was more attempting to say I chose to be obedient over my low level understanding of happiness and pain avoidance... Jesus was obedient, "even unto death on a cross". I also see Jesus as one very joyful man while on earth, people were drawn to Him out of His love and His joyful expressions of that love; and He is exalted above all others and is seated at the right hand of the Father.... and again, one point is I am surrendering WHAT I think is happiness (fleeting, ever-changing, and temporal) with the deeper understanding and acceptance of God's definition of happiness, through the joy of the Lord....what pleases Him.

I will continue to check on my focus and I will chew on the blessings of your words, comments and own life experiences and I will continue to do a heart check... I do value everyone's words, attitudes, and even gentle corrections of how I am seeing things and how I am expressing myself, both in and through my life as well as through my writings/blog. Thank you all, every much!

It's a great day to be alive and GOD ROCKS!